


Angel On Earth

by tahmoh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 19:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4973305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tahmoh/pseuds/tahmoh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean visits Cas everyday, but what effects does it have on him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angel On Earth

**Author's Note:**

> *Suicide, Mentions of suicide, alcoholism.* 
> 
> This was supposed to be sad and angsty, but somehow it turned extremely dark and I don't feel like changing it because it ended with what I had in mind :)
> 
> Also this is not edited at all.

Dean grabbed his coat off the chair and started walking towards the door to the bunker. It probably wasn’t cold, considering it was the middle of the day in the summer, but it was a force of habit. His routine was the same everyday, and it was time to visit Cas. Dean had asked why Cas couldn’t just stay at the bunker or at least come over where he could see Sam as well, but Cas simply said he couldn't. A year ago, Dean would’ve gotten mad and demanded a better answer, but now he can’t bring himself to yell and throw things at Cas.

As a consequence, he was frequently mad at Sam, even if most of the time he didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, Sam tried to help stop Dean from becoming an alcoholic or from oversleeping or not sleeping at all, overeating or not putting anything in his stomach for days at a time. After the first few months Sam had almost given up until he gave a visit to Cas himself, who tried to convince him to continue trying, and although it was like Sam couldn’t even hear Cas he did agree with him and he thanked him by giving him a hug, to which Cas responded with misunderstanding and pushed Sam away.

The constant yelling about health and sanity did help a little. Sam had to throw out less beer bottles every week. He could have a consistent grocery list for Dean. He didn’t have to worry about staying up to make sure Dean went to sleep. Sometimes Sam did stay up though, because while Dean slept, he would have nightmares. Sam never asked what they were about, he just woke Dean up and tried to calm him down. Some nights he would stay up all night with Dean because he was afraid if he left him alone, Dean would accidentally kill himself in his sleep with a lamp. Sam once found Dean on the floor with cuts all over his arms and chest. There wasn’t anything sharp in his room, they had lock those away months ago with Sam having the only key. The blood wouldn’t come out of the rug, so they threw it away and got a new one.

When Dean first went to visit Cas everyday, Sam was worried he would take a detour to the nearby bridge, or take their money and go to the gun store. After watching him for a month, he realized Dean would not miss visiting Cas, no matter how sick he got or how cold it was. Every month on the eighteenth, Dean would go to the greenhouse where Charlie sold flowers and bring a bouquet of flowers to Cas. As he walked to where Cas was staying, some kids saw him holding the flowers and pointed and laughed, so Dean punched one in the face and kicked another in the stomach. Their parents got furious at Dean, and Sam had to interrupt before Dean provoked death and say Dean was bringing flowers to their deceased mother and that he loves her very much and would not tolerate anyone making fun of her. Of course while their mother was indeed dead, it wasn’t the truth, if you told anyone your brother was bringing flowers to another guy, they would stone the both of them to death.

When halloween rolled around, Dean found two teenagers spray painting Cas’ home and he drove them out with a broken piece of wood from the hole they made in the fence to get in. The next few hours were spent cleaning the profanity that covered the stone. When Dean finally got it all off, he shared a pumpkin pie with Cas and told him about how he saw two guys just like them making out in a dark alley and how the angel costume he saw in the halloween shop reminded him of Cas. After they finished the pie, Dean brought out a box of candy and some beer for them to enjoy.

Soon enough, it was christmas. Sam had gotten Dean a new engine for the impala and even though it hasn’t left the driveway for almost 2 years now, Dean still cleaned and kept it working. That was the first time Dean hugged Sam since he started the visits to Cas, and that was a big enough christmas present for Sam. When Dean went over to Cas’, he found nobody there, so he left the sweater and candy-cane flavoured pie by the front of his house. After going back to the bunker, Dean found a bottle of his favourite scotch on his bed and only Cas knew what that was. After finishing the bottle by himself, he gently put it on his bedside table beside the one empty beer bottle Sam hadn’t thrown out.

The next day, Dean found the christmas sweater still in front of Cas’ house and the pie half eaten by what looked like a dog. The day after, nothing changed. Dean was disappointed to find that Cas hadn’t been home, but he wasn’t going to stop coming. A week later, Dean finally found Cas sitting on the ground, head in his hands. Dean went to comfort him, but he looked up at him and asked him to live with him. Both of them knew that Dean couldn’t, even if he wanted to, Sam wouldn't allow it. So for the next month, Dean tried to get Sam to kick him out, he drank almost everyday, slept at 4am and woke up at 6pm. He left greasy hamburger wrappers everywhere and refused to go outside to get some fresh air.

Dean got drunk every night, had a hangover every morning, threw up a lot and he eventually forgot about Cas. His mind wouldn’t cooperate with his effort to leave his room and visit again. The nightmares about him stopped as well. The only reason Dean ever wanted to go to sleep was because he could see Cas again, even if the dream ended as a nightmare. Every dream started the same, they were getting some kind of food, ice cream or pie or burgers, and they would sit and eat it together, laughing and having fun. Then they would get into a fight, usually about something stupid like what to do next, or whether or not they should buy that shirt. And then Cas would attack Dean, trying to stab him or shoot him, and while Dean would give his life for Cas without a thought, an invisible force would make him kill Cas.

Sam noticed that Dean wasn’t rushing out the door at 6pm to get to Cas’ anymore, and that he wasn’t screaming or having what looked like seizures in his sleep. He was glad that perhaps the nightmares had stopped, and maybe distancing him from Cas for a while might be a good thing. That’s what Sam told him, that he thought Dean wasn’t visiting anymore because Cas was the one who caused him to start over drinking again, but Dean got mad and stormed outside for the first time in almost 3 months. Dean clutched the money he stole from Sam’s room and walked into the store on the corner of 405 Main St, Lebanon Kansas. The little bell rung as Dean pushed the door open and asked the guy behind the counter for their cheapest one.

Soon after leaving the store, he sprinted all the way to see Cas again. He ran his hand over his newly bought item in his pocket, making sure it was still there for when he got to Cas. Dean ran and ran and when he couldn’t run anymore, he pushed himself into sprinting the last few blocks until he finally got to the cemetery. He knew exactly where Cas was, he went there everyday for over 2 years. He jogged over to the gravestone that had dried blood on the top, where Dean accidentally cut his hand on a broken beer bottle he had smashed because Cas said something that made him angry, he couldn’t remember what it was now. The sweater was gone, someone had stolen it during the winter and you could still see the faded remnants of the spray painted profanities. There was a pile a dead flowers from the last time Dean visited at the head of the grave.

Cas was sitting in the middle of the grave, picking at the dry flowers and pulling small pieces off and crunching them between his fingers. When he saw Dean coming, he looked up at him with his bright blue eyes and smiled. Dean told him that he decided he did want to live with Cas, be with him forever and it was only fitting he went the same way Cas did, by the same hand.

Dean sat down next to Cas and pulled out the .45 handgun from his pocket. Cas kept smiling at him and put his hands on top of Dean’s, both holding the gun. You could still see Dean’s hands even though Cas’ were on top of them. You could see the bloody knuckles he had gotten from punching the wall of the bunker when Sam suggested he stop seeing Cas. You could see the scars from all the times he cut himself on broken beer bottles and knives. Dean was shaking, wondering if this was the right choice. Cas got up, walked around Dean and sat closely behind him, his chest pressing against Dean’s back. He grabbed Dean’s hands and wrapping them tightly around the handle of the gun while slowly bringing it up to his head. Dean felt a cold kiss on his forehead as his finger, half unwillingly, rested on top of the trigger. The safety seemingly clicked on its own, but if you looked closely, you could see a transparent hand pushing the lever.

Before Sam realized his money was gone, it was too late. He took the keys they kept on the table by the door and started up the impala, which didn’t actually start because of how long it’s been left to rust. Sam got out and slammed the door, running towards the cemetery. When he got there, Dean was hugging a gravestone. Sam ran over, yelling his name, trying to wake him up. He rolled his head over, revealing a small red dot on either side of his head, blood leaking out. Dean’s arms went loose when Sam moved his body, dropping from the side of the grave. In one hand was a gun, finger still on the trigger. The other looked like it was tightly holding someone else’s hand, of course nothing, or nobody, was there.

The local newspaper could only speculate why a man would kill himself over a grave of someone who was apparently a complete stranger to them. The story didn’t make the headlines, but it was on the front page in the bottom left corner. It explained how the man had died, gunshot, and that maybe it was a coincidence, but the man buried in the grave had also died of a gunshot. There was a picture of the grave beside it, no body on top. It was a standard grave, a rounded off rectangle shoved into the ground. On it said, “Castiel Novak. 1924-1968. Angel on earth.” Some people swear that if you walk past that grave, you could see two men sitting on top of the gravestone, sharing a pie and beers, and that one of them had the wings of an angel while the other had the devil’s horns. 

 


End file.
